An Online Magazine in the Reality-Based Community.

I'm not sh*tting you, Halloween edition

Saturday, October 15, 2005

The method is timely! The message is timeless! Desperate times call for drastic measures! If your church or ministry is determined to take a stand against sin and the kingdom of darkness and to reach people for Jesus like never before, then this outreach is for you! Get prayed up and powered up and be prepared for the ride of your ministry life!
-- Senior Pastor Keenan Roberts of Destiny Church, and author and creator of The Hell House Outreach Kit
The Destiny Church, based in Broomfield, Colorado, has a special, seasonal outreach program -- it builds a haunted house that stages dramatic and timely messages on homosexuality, abortion, satanism and all the other wages of sin.

And when you come out at the end, you can receive pastoral counseling if you want to be saved.

What's really neat-o is how this church has built it all into a little enterprise, creating DVDs and materials for other churches ($299, with documentation of course), so they can scare the be-Jeebus into all comers on Oct. 31.

I had to keep digging through this web site to be sure that it wasn't a parody, because it is so off-the-hook, but I found articles on this nonsense in mainstream media publications, and other churches have picked up on this (see links at the end). This church really has the packaging down pat.


Shake your city with the most “in-your-face, high-flyin', no denyin', death-defyin', Satan-be-cryin', keep-ya-from-fryin', theatrical stylin', no holds barred, cutting-edge” evangelism tool of the new millennium!


Your church can buy the kit and construct sets to depict:
* Homosexuality — No one is born gay. Genesis 1:27 says that God created man in His own image. Homosexuality is sin and is not just an alternative lifestyle.

* Abortion — It is not merely a surgical procedure or the removal of a mass of tissue. It is the taking of a human life!

* Suicide — The solution to your problems and depression is not found through ending your life. Let Jesus carry you through those tough times and be the strength you are searching for.

* Drunk Driving — The false highs and constant lows of alcohol are never more sobering than when you realize that you are a killer.

* Satanism — The occult is very powerful and not something to toy with. Jesus Christ possesses the only power greater than the kingdom of darkness.

* Hell — Hell is not an eternal party place. It is the home of never-ending torment, anguish and permanent damnation and separation from God.

* Heaven – Heaven is the eternal reward for those whose names are written in the Book Of Life. It is a place of exquisite beauty crowned by the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ and His holy angels.
The site notes that Pastor Roberts has written twenty-five different scenes for The Hell House Outreach. Some of the extra modules you can purchase for your quest for salvation.


* Gay Wedding ($45) — This energetic scene will give you another powerful weapon in your arsenal against the homosexual stronghold and the born-gay deception. The demon tour guide conducts the ceremony that actually involves a young married couple. (The wife dons masculine make-up for the necessary male look.) The tour guide pronounces them “husband and husband”. Then the scene utilizes a time warp to move several years into the future with one of the partners dying of AIDS as demon imps swarm into a hospital room. This package comes with the originally produced rock-n-roll wedding march CD, the air of evil background music CD and the death drum track also on compact disc.

* Rave Scene — Youth culture often sees itself as wildly indestructible. The underground world of rave clubs and drug usage proves to be a deadly combination, and hell's demons rejoice.



* Gay/Lesbian Suicide ($45) — This scene creatively combines two cutting-edge issues into one script. The drama for the scene calls for a spiritual battle between the angel of the Lord and the demon tour guide. They wrestle for Jamie's intellect as she struggles with whether or not God has made her this way. This script captures an incredibly compelling exposé that unmasks the “born-gay” lie.



* Mother's Womb Abortion ($65) — A young mother is miraculously given the opportunity to learn from her mistake upon being blessed with a visit by her aborted daughter at four different ages of life.

* Sex Scene Package ($45) – This scene deals with the out-of-control sexual appetite our youth are demonstrating in their dating lifestyles. The scene is portrayed in a tasteful, yet sizzling fashion by a young married couple playing two teens who have planned for this event and are in her parents' bed. Mom and dad are gone for the weekend, but what the teens don't realize is that they’re not alone! The tour guide has been a part of orchestrating this delicious temptation that will “execute the pearl of her virginity as she gives away what she can never regain”. A powerful underwater drowning sequence is utilized to illustrate the killing of her purity at the hands of the demon. This package includes the drowning video and the drowning background effects track on CD.
The pastor also gives you handy tips on how to stage your performances:

It's holy fun constructing your Hell House Outreach!

Once you get a kit and understand the overall concept, you'll be able to maximize your space in the best possible manner. In fact, in the many years in which The Hell House Outreach has been performed, we have had the drunk driving scene outside as well as other scenes through the years in large rented tents just outside the main building. Depending on the size of your scenes and the allocated space for viewing visitors, groups will typically range in size from fifteen to twenty-five people. Those groups will tour each of the scenes with a demon (or perhaps multiple demons) from the cast as their tour guides. Most of the scenes last about five minutes.
Pastor Keenan is also available for on-site consultation and recommendations as you build your Hell House. He says that he has "a great deal of experience facing the media through the years whether it be live talk radio, foreign journalists, national magazines or newspapers, network television, live television or local news affiliates, he has had many opportunities to represent the purpose of this outreach via the media."

Articles on the Hell House phenomenon:
* NPR
* Waco Tribune
* ReligiousTolerance.org

Hat tip to Blender Val.

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Click over for more House Blend, including:
* celebration of National Faggot Week
* Little Ricky getting Freeped over Miers